마음이 아플 때| The One with Som Ghosh - On Grief and Loss: Episode 10 (2018)

Last week, I took you on a trip to India with an interview with Dr. Shah. I decided to stay longer in India to bring you this week’s episode from another Indian. Losing one parent is hard enough but imagine losing both of your parents, and in addition to this monumental grief, having to cope with the guilt of being thousands of miles away from home when this happens.

In this episode, I speak to Som Ghosh – a Tabla-playing Indian living in America on grief observed. We talked about how grief is handled by Hindus and how certain burial rites performed by Hindus might make coping with grief better, and how he has been coping with losing both parents. I also talked about a personal grief and how I was able to (and still) cope with this. We begin his story from why he decided to leave his job at Pfizer and head on to pursue a PhD in Health Economics and Outcomes Research (HEOR) and tips for those considering going back to school after working for a while.

How to cope with grief, as surmised by Som and me (in no particular order):

  • Let grief run its course.

  • Take time to mourn the loss.

  • Cry if you must.

  • Label the emotions as they come, anger, sadness, pain, anguish.

  • Remember that emotions are like messengers, we do not shoot them. Listen to the gifts they bear and afterwards, send them on their journey  in a nice way, knowing fully well that they might come back again.

  • Find someone you can trust to talk to about your grief. And if you cannot find someone, just like Tennessee Williams suggested, depend on the kindness of strangers who are usually obliagted to listen to you.

  • Seek grief counseling or therapy.

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인도 의사| The One with Dr. Sanket Shah - Doctor, Doctor : Episode 9 (2018)

For this week’s episode, I talked to one of my favorite Indians and wonderful colleague - Dr. Sanket Shah, a medical doctor currently doing his PhD in Health Economics and Outcomes Research (HEOR) (a rarity for most MDs pursuing advanced degrees in the US) at my alma mater – The University of Texas at Austin.

We talked about and contrasted medical practice, culture, and education in India and the US. On graduate school in the US: imposter/impostor syndrome, expectational pressure, how not to quit, and using fear as a motivational tool. We also provided arguments for why foreign international students need to build positive social support systems to improve mental health, why I think Indians are different from Nigerians in certain aspects, and how both cultures can learn from each other. It was also my first time introducing the concept of cultural curiosity – where I ask my guests to ask me anything they are curious about regarding Nigeria.

Fun fact: Dr. Shah is still reeling from the shock of having dollar bills rained on him at a Nigerian colleague’s wedding dance presentation we all did in 2016. He wanted to know more about what ‘making it rain’ was all about. S/O to Chisom Chimah who was the bride at the said-wedding.

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내 청소년| The One with Adenike - The Nigerian Youth: Episode 8 (2018)

Adenike had this to say about voting:

“More than half of those who voted for the over 170 million votes for BBN are not registered to vote in the next presidential election. Nigerians don’t even know the importance of voting and I understand that we say “oh, well my vote might not count,” that is the lie we have been telling ourselves. When it is going to count, no one is going to tell you. And until you start doing your own part, you cannot even complain of not getting the best infrastructure. It is your least civic duty. Even though you didn’t vote, by not voting, you voted for the winner.”

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나는 고향으로 돌아가고 싶다| The One with Bill - African-American + Nigerian: Episode 5 Part 2 (2018)

According to Bill James:

  • "We can’t just be Black as African-Americans, we are Black from the Caribbean, we are Black from everywhere."

  • There’s a cultural difference between Africans and African-Americans and it is not necessarily based on specific characteristics, it has more do with educational level.

  • At some point, it would be really nice if we all had a chance to sit down together and talk about ourselves and maybe we can then find some common ground.

  • The American immigration system handpicks the best of the best and that includes Africans. As a result, most African Americans do not come in contact with Africans based on their social level and we do not run in the same social circles.

 

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우리는 아프리카 인입니다| The One with Bola - Just Between Africans and African Americans: Episode 4 Part 2 (2018)

January 16: Bola A

 Somehow I have managed to enrage a small community of African Americans, all due to a structureless, baseless notion that Africans hate African Americans (not true). Who comes up with all these misconceptions anyway?? It is quite sad to accept the misguidance and the reverse-engineered mentality some have. Why the sensitivity and division? Africans have a rigid culture worn like a badge of honor. Failing to embrace or assimilate to a certain culture isn't necessarily hate, and while most African elders disapprove of certain western behaviors, most of us ( younger generation)still try to assimilate and get smacked for it (😂😂). To the African, respect and honor go hand in hand. Everything you do in this world, is reflective of your household; therefore you are expected to BEHAVE (which some translated as trying to be "white" I detest that statement so much).

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